2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize