ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
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