Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
