fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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