Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
