I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize