I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
