is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
