Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
