His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
