well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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