ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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