either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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