if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize