Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think I just sharted jello shots
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
