youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
