Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize