even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
