turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize