Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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