I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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