Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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