Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
