ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
