don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm like, not good at living.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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