I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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