He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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