We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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