i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
