I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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