I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You made out with two different species that night
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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