Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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