you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
