found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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