I skipped work to stalk him.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
