hotel room ftw
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
