Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
