I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
