If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
