Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
