Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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