Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
