That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
