Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
