I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
