god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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