I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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