Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
