guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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