sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize