How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
As shirtless as possible
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize