She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
