there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
