Your mouth is God's brothel.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
