i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize