In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
