ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
