pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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