I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
