Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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