Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
