Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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