i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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