No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
