Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
