State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
