Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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