Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
