Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
