So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
