thus making me awesome and them whores
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
