we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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