All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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