I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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