apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize