We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize