I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
