I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
