Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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