I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
