That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
