We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
