Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
