there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Randomize
