I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
